The Rolling Stone Interview

Note: This is not a MEME - if you are too lazy to write your own shit, don't start by copying mine.

You're known for your gastronomic delights, how did that happen?

Well, I found out I didn't like Hummus, after that, pretty much everything else fell in to line.

Anything in particular you wish you'd found at a younger age?

Brie. I could definitely live on brie and bread.

What's the most memorable thing any woman ever said to you?

That's a tough one. I know you are fishing for sex, so I'll say, 'Are ever going to fuck me or what?'

OK - so take the sex out of the question...

My mother calling me gay when I was like 16.

You are kidding right?

No, I wanted this neon aqua camp shirt and we had quite an argument about it. 'That's a gay [homosexual] color.' When I came home with the shirt, she said, "So, that's your color now?" I recall just closing the door in her face.

What's the worst thing you've ever done to another person?

Psychologically? Telling a woman I didn't love her anymore when I never did. In my defense, I told her from the beginning that it wasn't emotional for me.

What's your biggest regret?

My birth.

You are a pretty blunt person, does that ever get you into trouble?

All the time. As a whole, people are not really trained to hear the truth. Everyone just wants everything to sound nice. They beat around the bush 'til the thing is dead. Then, like a sadist, they beat it.

That's pretty strong.

Look, we can all be angels in our minds, but the sad reality is that most of us are assholes. It's not like we try to be, it's just the way we are. We'd be better if we knew how to be, but there is only so much sugar in the world. It's spread a little thin.

You mentioned sad, what's the saddest thing you've ever seen?

A $1200 T-shirt in a store. We have huge education problems in our country and people spend $1200 to get some pussy. How much is it worth to open a child's mind? Our society has such fucked up values. There are gifted kids that are sitting in trailer parks because of parents who just happen to be Jerry Springer rejects. The people that could get them out of there are too busy living their own fantasy that they forget to give back.

The Steve Job's and the Bill Gateses give plenty back.

I'm not talking about them. Steve Jobs has 200 of the same long sleeve T-shirt/Sweater in his closet. He wears jeans and sandals to work everyday. I always wonder why that work ethic doesn't spread. It obviously works.

What's the best compliment you've gotten this year?

You look like a Rock Star. I went to a friends B-day party. She said that when she saw me. I almost swooned. I Rock Star I am not.

Yet, some would say you live a jet set lifestyle.

Well, you win a few, you lose a few. A few years ago I made myself a promise to never say someday... "I wish I had..." I try really hard to follow through with that goal.

If you could pass out one piece of advice and actually make it stick, what would it be?

Kindness is free. It's also priceless. Pass it out to everyone you meet.

Last question. So what does it feel like to be dying and not tell anyone?

Well, you know, like Jack Nickolsen said in that movie after that B-rated guy said about his mother, 'She's on her way out.' "We all are. Live accordingly."

Thank you for being so candid.

No, thank you.

- An except from 'An Interview with My Dog'.