April 22, 2009

Blowing bubbles

I was the first entrepreneur in my school. I was the kid selling gum out of his back pack for 5 times the going rate at 7-11. Of course this was still in the days when 7-11 sold gas. They still have the same logo, but they've long since quit selling fuel. Perhaps they were just being environmentally forward thinking much earlier than the rest of us. The gum of choice was Bubblicious or something like that. It wasn't true to it's name, but it got the job done 'til you sucked all the sugar out of it. This wasn't an idle gig. Some weeks, I pulled in almost as much as the fat lunch lady did in one day. Pretty impressive feat for a youngster.

Of course, if I had to write the business plan for my little endeavor, it would have looked like this.

Buy as much gum as I can carry. Mark gum up 5-10 times original cost. Buy Mt. Dew and Salted nut rolls and play Ms. Pac Man with the profit. Save enough capital to invest in another round of gum. I bet the clerks at 7-11 thought I had the strongest jaw on the face of the earth. Kid buys a hundred packs of gum a week minumum. I never realized there was a wholesale buying opportunity though. My business proved successful and kept me running from the Pac Man monster until I moved onto High School where they had vending machines and my failure to diversify my product lines killed me.

Diversification in my school would have meant the weed, ganga, mary jane, smoke or grass. I have no idea what it's called anymore or even if those names were correct for the time frame I'm writing about. As you can see, I did not diversify and had to get a real job. I can still make the trademark Dairy Queen swirl I'm sure. Not that you could pay me enough to do that job again. From there I moved into the grand world of seafood where I couldn't tell the difference between fish and shrimp. Hey, the shit all looks the same when you bread and fry it. I miss the bubblegum out of the blue back pack days though. Life was simple and I had all the flavors to choose from.

April 08, 2009

Nothing to see here

Today's message kiddies is about understanding whether the grass is really greener on the other side of the fence. It looks so manicured and delightful over there. The sidewalk edged just so and the pretty flowers that brighten up the surroundings are really amazing. It's fresh over there. Must get watered a lot. Everything so neat and perfect.

The grass here has some dandelions in it. A few whispers of bare patches. It hasn't really been mowed in awhile either. OMG is that gopher hole? No need to kill the gopher, just look at the great lawn next door. Perhaps we can just move over there. Oh, and a shiny new lawn mower to top it off. It's sounds so wonderful... the powerful roar of that engine turning the cutting blade. Speaking of the cutting blade, later it will be too late to ask, but is that thing sharp? I can't get hurt over there on beautiful grass can I?