Where do our socks go?

The following is something I dreamed up to answer the age old questions of where do our socks go when we lose them.

The Sock Elves

What are the sock elves?
I'll tell you if care to listen.
I'll begin with how I know that
sock elves exist.
Anyone who has ever done laundry knows.
If you don't do laundry, ask those who do.

I've counted my socks before and after.
I've been careful and only put in two.
Somehow, I've never managed to come out even.
Always one single sock missing,
or two, but never the same pair.

You know too, don't you? Yes, you do.
The sock elves steal our socks.
Sometimes right before our very eyes.
The thing is you don't see the sock elves.
No-one does, that wouldn't be proper.

The sock elves aren't malicious.
They need our socks more than we do.
Believe it. They do, trust me.
How do I know this tasty morsel of fact?
I caught one of them little fuckers.
I did, I really did.

Caught him with a sock in hand.
I nearly wrung his scrawny neck.
If he would've looked human, I would've too.
Their looks aren't important though.
Suffice to say they are cute and blue.
No, not like those smurfs on TV.

I made him talk, yes I did.
I tortured his skinny cracked ass.
Yes sir, I made him tell all.
It didn't take long.

They steal our socks and it's stupid.
It's not to frustrate us. Hell no.
They live in 'em, yeah dammit, they live in 'em.
Their not satisfied with one either.
They got to have as many as possible.
It's a status thing.

The more socks - the more status.
The more sock elf women too.
The sock elf women don't steal socks.
It's a man thing, if you believe that.

I can't tell you any more about them.
I would've gotten more information,
but that little blue bastard escaped.
I don't know how, I got enough though.
Those blue bastards better watch out.
'Cause I'm gunnin' for 'em.
I want my socks back - All of them.