June 28, 2006

Along came a spider

So, I noticed that there will be a film version of Charlotte's Web out near Christmas time. For those people with children, I'm sure this is a great thing. We all loved Templeton the rat in cartoon version didn't we? But I have to think about the premise of this story. Pig is a runt and saved by girl. Then pig is ready for eating, finally. And a spider spins a web with 'Fantastic' and other nice things about said pig and saves poor Wilbur's life.

I'm fine with the fact that all these barnyard animals (not to mention a tiny ass spider) can talk, but don't you think everyone would be searching for the spider that can read and write? I mean come on. If I had a farm and started seeing spider webs with words on them, I'd have to first see a Dr. to confirm I'm not nuts, then, I'd have to go in search of the spider. Screw the pig. Unless he's spinning a web out his ass (and then we really have a money maker on our hands). I want the spider responsible. Think of the advertising dollars to be had with a spider with this skill set... The halloween connections alone spin my head.

June 27, 2006

Quittin' time

What compels people to just quit? Do we have these chemical reactions inside our brains that finally reach X-level for a particular thing and then we are just done? Sometimes when we quit, we do it in soft subtle ways. We just kind of drift off slowly but surely. Others are announced vehement and very noticeable what makes the difference in these scenarios?

When old people lose a life long partner, often they don't live 6 months to a year. They just lose the will to live. Seemingly healthy people slip away. Then, you have people who fight disease and death for long periods. Despite long odds, they go past any boundary given by doctors. Then one day, they make a decision. I'm done. Within hours or days, these people die.

I guess it's different for every person and each scenario. One person's quit level can be quite different from another.

OK, I'm freakin' rambling today. I had a point when I started, but I'm done. See you later. See, I just quit. lol

June 25, 2006


I've always been one of those people that causes things to happen. Sometimes, I just wanted to see what would happen. Other times, It was getting myself in a mess and the only way out being getting someone else to do something even stupider than what I was on trial (or thought I'd be on trial for). I don't mean that literally as in going to court, but those instances where you will be judged and found lacking. So, let's jsut put the focus elsewhere. Now, when it comes to me, it's hard for other people sometimes to release focus. So, somewhere along the line, I must have gotten very good at becoming invisible.

I know you hate it when I don't provide details. So, I'll provide an excellent example for you to follow along. I was at a great club in a party room with a very large group of friends. We had ourselves an open bar for 3 hours. Now, when creative people get together, the only thing that they love to do more than talk is drink. It lubricates the throat for more talking. Or in this case, more kissing.

Now, there was one girl in particular that I really wanted to kiss, but she didn't seem to be giving me the time of day. After one dance she drifted off and left me to my own resources. Now, I wasn't upset or anything, but when you get the right level of tequila in your system, you really can't be held responsible for certain actions. So, what did I do? I found another girl. Right, yes of course. Now, this girl had probably exceeded her level of tequila or Ketel One or Goose and wasn't shy about getting very close to me. Yes, we kissed, swapped spit, however you want to call it.

After awhile, I got bored of hearing the thoughts of 'get a room'. We returned to our open bar and I quickly managed to evade her grasp and score yet another glass of tequila. I had to keep my level just so. I was sipping that when my vision was filled with yet another girl that 'wanted to dance'. OK, back to the dance floor. Bright lights, flashing lasers, throbbing music, swaying bodies. You get the idea. Suddenly, I'm playing tonsil hockey again with the new girl. After 5-6 songs, we returned to the bar.

Now, you are probably wondering where the instigation comes into play in this story. Turns out I have another friend that was teasing another girl about kissing her. Not so strange. With a small caveat. She. They were both girls. Now, I can feel the excitement and the buzz that comes with this statement. The instigator in me probably realized that both girls were past the level of Goose that releases inhibitions, but not the ones that cause public release of inhibitions.

Therein lies the genius of the instigator. Of course I ordered my friend a 'tini. After handing it to her and turning away and back, the glass was returned to my startled hand, empty. She'd tossed it back like a shot. Sit down folks. This is where the truck is leaving the paved highway. The view is just starting to get interesting. A short while later, these two girls became the center of attention and were making out like there was no tomorrow and if that was the case, they were getting theirs.

A lot of men think it's erotic to see two women making out. I watched in fascination just to see where this was headed. After awhile there were other people who'd reached the limit of public non shame for any act. Shirts came off. Nipples were licked and teased. Hands went down shirts. (All innocent of course. It was friends having fun. Not sex.) So, about this time Girl 1 catches my eye. We made our getaway unnoticed in the throng of people focused on other entertainment.

Nobody ever noticed we were gone or that we'd left together. A perfect escape. Invisible. No one the wiser. Perfect.

All it takes is a little nudge for someone else to become the focal point. Is it so wrong to use this ability to give that tiny nudge? It's not like anyone gets hurt or is left with permanent damage after all. Look, the tequila made me do it.

June 24, 2006


I want a rematch. Now, I just need to figure out what for.

What challenge in my life has eluded me? What competition did I not win that I should have? Where did I not try to my absolute limit and beyond?

See, I really don't want to think about those things. I just like the idea that I can demand a rematch. It's not about redoing my life or an event or a personal relationship. It's not about rethinking the color of my bedroom walls. Or picking something different for dinner last night.

Maybe I'm just looking for the simple feeling that tomorrow is Day 1. You hear that a lot. Start Fresh. Or - Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Pick your cliché. But it's not so easy to shed your past. The decisions you've made up 'til now. The things that effect you today could have happened 10, 20 or even 30 years ago.

What we really need if that is the case is to get to a launch point. A place where we can walk away from enough of our current and past to create the new us. The new life we seek and desire. Tying up all the loose ends we've accumulated. Whether it's stuff we've collected, debt, relationships that are in an unsure place or just organizing what we have.

A rematch indeed. Who's game?

June 23, 2006

Oh, yummy

Have you ever had food poisoning? I mean serious food poisoning. Not the kind that has you walking down the street awhile after dinner with the need to find a bathroom, but the kind that makes you feel like you want to die. The kind that has you throwing up repeatedly until the last tiny morsel in your stomach is gone.

Then it goes further. You dry heave. Your stomach gets so close to your spine you think it might rip out your back. The muscles in your throat contract so hard it feels like someone filled your neck with molten lead. Then it feels like a race car speed bulldozer is pushing out through your neck. Is my esophagus going to come out my mouth? The pressure building behind your eyes. Your head shakes with tremors from the force. Then release. Gasp. Breathe. Repeat.

Hours later with supreme knowledge that you have ingested nothing, you know you are going to heave again. To your surprise, you manage not only not to dry heave, but to emit a first rate volume of yellow bile. The taste of is nothing like anything you've ever tasted. No acid burn. Just a flavor you'd shave your tongue to forget.

June 07, 2006

Contrary to popular belief

I recognize the signs of being contrary just to be contrary. I was once that way. My way was the only way. I'd disagree with everyone just because I didn't want to be like everyone else. Never wanted to be a sheep in a herd of sheep. Never. One day, I realized what I was doing and decided that I would do what I felt was right period. It didn't matter if that also happened to be what everyone else was doing.

My mother asked me once (a day) if everyone else was jumping off the bridge, would I do it too. My answer everyday was 'depends why they are jumping'. See, it's not about the act itself, it's the reason behind the act.

I love watching people push elevator buttons repeatedly when it doesn't do any good. Just like most elevators Close Door button is not active. It's just there to give people something to do. The same applies to soda vending machines. People stand there and push the button over and over until their soda is finally released from it's chilly prison into their hot little hands. Once is usually suffiencient unless you lack physical strength or you were unsure of yourself when you pushed the button.

I saw a video in 6th grade that impacted me greatly. It was about the psychology of peer pressure and in focus groups, people may have a completely different opinion, but follow the group anyway to keep from being different. Why do so many people have a need to be like everyone else? This has always confused me. Average. Why would you want to fit into the masses so perfectly that you lose your own identity?

June 02, 2006

Got your foil hat ready?

And in other news today, a small mountain appeared in Central Park late last night or early this morning. It's origin unknown and composition appears to be mainly earth, rock and other minerals. Several mining operations have expressed interest in searching for precious metals in the mountain, but NYC officials are calling in scientists to examine the mountain to determine if it is indeed from planet earth.

There is pandemonium in the foil head covered, nut population as they bemoan the fate of the earth to be soon reclaimed by aliens. There is no substantiation of these claims at this time, however, NYC officials have not ruled it out at this time. "We are moving forward with our investigation into every aspect of this mountain appearance in the [Central] Park. We haven't ruled out alien influence out at this time, however preliminary reports from the scientific community do point to ethereal behavior in the material."

The same official also pointed out that there is no cause for alarm at this time. "The mountain appears to be inert and benign in nature. The park paths and game fields remain open for the public's enjoyment." Wide-spread reports of missing person's in the 5 NYC boroughs' cannot be verified at this time and thus far there is no direct correlation found with the mountain in Central Park.