Castles are burning

Have you ever tried to hide a piece of yourself thinking that people wouldn't understand or that the reaction would not be favorable? Only later to discover or be told by someone that it doesn't matter what people think? In one way or another, fear rules these decisions. I've written about fear before, but I keep coming back to it. I just read State of Fear by Michael Crichton. Not to change the topic, but I think this is required reading for everyone. It's about a fringe group of environmental terrorists, but it also has a lot of facts about the environment that most of us never thought of or have had misleading information fed to us.

Back to my original topic, what causes us to put up all these mini-shields in our lives? What does it mean when you finally let go of them with someone? Or do you ever let go? I have dropped some of mine. The effect has been interesting to me. Sometimes, the reactions are not positive. People see what they want to see in each of us, yet, they can't see the whole picture unless you share it with them. Some people only share the intimate details of themselves and how they feel with a therapist. Others with the love of their life. Others live a solitary existence. Forever trapped in a reality they make for themselves. The little castles their perceived defense is really an offense.

My mind turns to my friend B that died last fall. I think of him frequently when I contemplate fear. As I consider what kind of castle he built for himself that kept him blind to all the people that loved him, I have to wonder how he also managed to show so much. We often hear about facets of people's personality, but what is the core that shows? What is it that brings us to reveal the truth of who we are?

Sorry, I'm a little rusty, but I'm going to try to make a come back on here. I miss writing terribly. Thanks for coming to the show.