Follicle challenges

I'm so psyched tonight. It seems in my mind lately that hair is the bane of my existence. As men age, it seems that hair sprouts from formerly hairless places, grows thinner in places you had it before and it's generally accepted that sometime in your life, it starts to shift color on you.

So hair where it didn't used to be. Can anyone say ears? Nose? Why in the hell would hair grow out of your ears? Did I not wash well enough as a child? Is this the fated 'potato' growing in my ear in a new form? Was potato simply a euphemism for hair growing out of your ears? I'll be honest, when I try out a new stylist, he or she gets rated on the attention they pay to trimming my ear hair. Do they just do the outside, or do they delve into that first little canyon and mow all of it down?

And the nose. I mean, as a 20 something, hair in the nose was non-existent. Now, said hair requires regular trimmings to keep up with the growing lawn. Granted, the stylist doesn't go there (and frankly who would want them to. That's just Ewwww on so many levels.) Minor detail, I admit, but it does consume grooming time.

Eyebrows... how is it that once placid eyebrows that needed no maintenance suddenly sprout into half inch long weeds that ruin the perfect silhouette your eyebrows once had. Nice, smooth lines have given way to craggy peaks and dips.

Then we have hair on the back of our necks. This little fuzz hair that serves no purpose, yet looks like you put Miracle Grow on it and it's sprouting in 10 different angles.

Going bald? Too bad, hope your head is shaped right. My hair has been thinning above my temples for years, but it can't seem to quite get there. Balding? Nope, I'm still in an ice age slow recession of the hairline. It's like watching a slow motion retreat of armies long gone. Orderly, peaceful, depressing. Almost so gradual you can't see it yourself. Then you look at old pictures. Hmm... no wonder I don't like my picture being taken. No pix, no evidence, no retreat. Sweet.

Color shift. I have silver hair coming in at my temples. Or is it white? In the right light, it's quite magnificent. You should see it, but you might be blinded by the light.

So why am I so psyched? Did I get a hair color? A laser treatment? A Wax? Nope. I got a professional hair clipper. You know, the nice quiet kind that is uber sharp that your stylist uses on you? Yes, that one. Cordless, complete with three blades (OK, I had to buy the third one, but at least I have a spare for the main blade I'll be using. No more worrying if the stylist got all the nasty ear hair.

No more fumbling with a super size Conair clipper that cost $13.95 at CVS. You know the kind. Loud as hell. Resembles what the army barbers use to make 18 year old men bald at boot camp. (Why is it that women want equality in the military, but don't have to shave their heads? Post for another time.) This is a small graceful clipper that fits just right in your hand. Easy to maneuver with a T shaped blade to get into those nooks and cranny's. And it's quiet. I can hardly wait to trim my goatee. The damn thing only needs to charge for another 12 hours and I'm in clipping nirvana.