January 05, 2006

True meaning

For the last week or so, I've been contemplating clichés and our inability to quit using them. Today, I'm going to examine some favorites and their hidden meanings.

There's no place like home - No other place will have me because I such a loser.

I'm all thumbs - I love my opposable digits like any good human carbon unit, but what I'd really like is a solid forefinger for awhile. Hey, and throw in a ring finger while you are at it. I need to place to hang this rock the old man got me.

Any friend of yours, is a friend of mine - I'm too effing lazy to make my own friends, so I thought I'd just steal yours.

Does a bear shit in the woods? - I'm not a nature person, how do bears wipe when they are finished?

Dressed to the nines - I couldn't be a ten if I tried, so I'm not even going the extra distance. I'm stopping at nine.

Give them an inch and they'll want a mile - And they said size doesn't matter. Sheesh.

Good things come to those who wait - So here I am with my thumb in my ass...

Let's do lunch - In different states.

Take the highroad - Dude, you are screwed no matter what direction you take. Kill yourself now.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer - how else are you going to piss on their shoes?

One in a million - Yeah, I can't stand the son of a bitch either.

Fickle finger of fate - Yep, fucked again.

My hands are tied - I could help you, but I'm a sanctimonious prick!

Every dog has it's day - Yes, I am screwing your wife.


At 11:57 AM, Blogger Lil Bit said...

Sittin' here racking my brain for some clichés to add to your list... and I'm a blank.
"Silence is golden" perhaps? ;)

At 5:52 PM, Blogger introspectre said...

Any friend of yours is a friend of mine- I trust you way past the point of sanity and/or I'm a fucking moron and blindly trust anyone, really.

Does a bear shit in the woods?- yes, or the prairie, or the river. I suppose the river might be nice to cleanse with afterwards, but we definitely know a bear shits, at any rate.

Give them an inch and they'll want a mile- avoid these assholes at all costs.

Good things come to those who wait- it makes us feel better while we wipe the shit off that someone just crapped on our heads....AGAIN.

Fickle finger of fate- nobody likes a prostate exam, but dude, get over it. You should try a pap smear.

A few more:
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush- as long as it's not a bird of prey, in which case it's better in the bush, or any other place far away from your flesh.

A penny saved is a penny earned- a penny lost is a penny gone, blah blah it's a freakin penny.

Loved the enemies one, pissing on their shoes, snort, giggle.


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