January 11, 2006

So busted

Tonight I was chatting with a young woman on the phone. In the background, I had iTunes playing random music from my nearly 5500 song collection. Now, I have a lot of different kinds of music for many moods and times. I'll admit to having music I don't even know how it got on my computer.

So, conversation clicking away fine. Suddenly, she says, "Is that Kenny G?"

What? Kenny G doesn't fit in with our conversation at all. What the f... OMG She's talking about the music on the speakers. "Um... No..." My hands are flying to the keys and the mouse. Get this shit off here...

"That's Kenny G. You. Have. Kenny. G. ??"

"Uh, no.... not any...more..." There is no recovery for this. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. No one to blame because I live alone. I can't even conjure up a fictional pet whose music it might be. I'm screwed. Pinned to the wall like a Tail in that childhood Donkey Game. Kenny Freakin' G. Great. I watch my chances glide out the window like a paper airplane on the summer breeze.

"You have Kenny G?" She's not relenting. I squirm like a pitiful bug caught in a trap. Where is the zapper when you need it to provide that quick death? Oh, man...

"I didn't say I listened to it, you know I have a lot of music I'm sure how it got on my machine." This is a lame excuse, but it's the only thing my feeble mind can think of. Instead of the vision of silken naughty's, I'm stuck with a blurry vision of the frizzy haired Kenny G chortling as he sees the paper airplane glide by. Waving his little wind instrument in goodbye, then he's gone. So's the girl.

"I have to get to bed..." But, but, hey, I can play you some Teddy Pendergrass or Barry White or Isaac Hayes or or or Marvin Gaye...

Sigh.

Delete. Delete. Delete... the Kenny G songs hit the electronic trash can with an imagined booming sound as though they were hitting a construction trash bin from 12 stories up. Anyone have suggestions for music to woo the ladies? Since most of my readers are indeed ladies, I'm hoping you'll have some ideas.

12 Comments:

At 2:40 AM, Blogger shhhh said...

a) Give her hell for recognizing Kenny G from the other side of the phone.

b) Tell her you were just holding it for a friend.

c) Tell her you were just testing her and her response means that she passed.

Good luck recovering from that one. ;-)

 
At 8:42 AM, Blogger butterfly said...

Yeah, so sorry Munkey. It doesn´t get much worse than Kenny G... I rather have my teeth extracted with no anesthesia.

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger Robert said...

How unfortunate, but we all know that there are ghosts in iTunes that choose a random playlist to soundtrack your life. I didn't know they were malevolent, though.

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger Alice said...

wow... she really blew you off over a kenny g song??? that seems pretty harsh. and judgemental... i dunno, i'm kind more POed at her than at kenny g at the moment

 
At 3:04 PM, Blogger Audrey said...

God. You didn't really delete all your Kenny G music did you??? I think he rocks.. so there!!
I suppose there is a time and place for everything though.

 
At 5:43 PM, Blogger Sexy Suburbanite said...

Well, the fact that she recognized Kenny G playing in the background would lead me to believe that she is a Kenny G fan. I'm not sure I would recognize his stuff, so if she did then she must listen to it more than I do. So, in that case, I would have just said "Oh yeah, I love Kenny G." It might have scored you some sensitivity points.

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger Schuyler said...

"Kenny G? huh? Oh. Yeah, I guess it is. I listen to these eclectic Internet radio stations and they sometimes blend in things that you'd never listen to, but they fit in nicely with the playlist at the time..."

Seriously, this happens to me all the time at work. I listen to radioparadise.com and sometimes someone will walk in my office and I'm obviously grooving to something that even makes me stop and go "huh?" once I've stepped back from whatever I'm working on...

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger Tiki said...

I'm with Shhhh, option 3, it was a test, she passed, now back to the program, and the silken panties.

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Her Daddy's Eyes said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh you poor guy!

~Eyes

 
At 1:05 PM, Blogger Annalis said...

Hilarious!

My first response was if she's not interested in you because of the type of music you listen then no big loss. Seems petty to me. Then I got to thinking - Kenny G. Ugh.

Good luck my friend.

 
At 5:48 PM, Blogger Scarlett said...

Ha! Kenny G. really is the worst. I know you posted this a couple of days ago, but that made me laugh out loud, so I had to comment. Kenny G. is right up there with Miriah Carey for a complete mood killer. Yikes!

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger Lil Bit said...

LOL!!!
Just say "helllll no" to Kenny G.
She musta been a putz, tho, for ditchin' the phone chat w/you just cuz of that. What a moron she is. LOL!

 

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