Danger, danger

Hey, you! Yes, you with your face peering at the screen. I'd move from there if I was you...

Well, no, you aren't hurting anyone there, but that's the direction my ass is facing and lemme just tell you what I made fer supper. Homeade tacos. Extra meat, spicy sauce, cheese, tomato, black olive all on a soft tortilla. Oh, did I mention the refried beans? Yeah, refried beans. Brother. Now, you really don't want to go to the bar and have everyone ask what blast furnace you walked into now do you? Or hey, was you bobbing for french fries at McD's or what?

I'm warning you. This area is a blast zone. Git out while the gittin's good. Just move onto a post below and you'll be plenty safe, but if you stay here, you might could find yourself the victim of a mighty 'splosion. Now, I'm not real certain when this is going to happen, but if I were a bettin' man... and I is, I'd say that if I were at a Barn Raising, I could get that big ol' roof lifted all by myself. I might have to call them Guinness Book of Records peeps. There is no current world record for longest fart, but I might just have eaten enough beans to get myself in the book. I wonder if they accept recordings or if the record requires live witnesses?

That's kinda funny don'cha think? Live witnesses for a passing gas record. You going to give them people gas masks? Yessirreebob... They'd need 'em don'cha think? I mean, how else are they going to survive? Perhaps they'd give me an ass mask? This here is a blast zone we are talking about people. Do ya at least have your hard hat on? Don't worry, I ain't gonna try none of that fart lighten' shit you see young kids doin' in them dumb videos on the internet. I'm talking good clean wholesome gas here. Nothing but pure octane. Stand clear, we're ready for the countdown. Any minute now. You best git yerself ta the safe zone. Just click on any link on the right... bye now.