January 07, 2006

Danger, danger

Hey, you! Yes, you with your face peering at the screen. I'd move from there if I was you...

Well, no, you aren't hurting anyone there, but that's the direction my ass is facing and lemme just tell you what I made fer supper. Homeade tacos. Extra meat, spicy sauce, cheese, tomato, black olive all on a soft tortilla. Oh, did I mention the refried beans? Yeah, refried beans. Brother. Now, you really don't want to go to the bar and have everyone ask what blast furnace you walked into now do you? Or hey, was you bobbing for french fries at McD's or what?

I'm warning you. This area is a blast zone. Git out while the gittin's good. Just move onto a post below and you'll be plenty safe, but if you stay here, you might could find yourself the victim of a mighty 'splosion. Now, I'm not real certain when this is going to happen, but if I were a bettin' man... and I is, I'd say that if I were at a Barn Raising, I could get that big ol' roof lifted all by myself. I might have to call them Guinness Book of Records peeps. There is no current world record for longest fart, but I might just have eaten enough beans to get myself in the book. I wonder if they accept recordings or if the record requires live witnesses?

That's kinda funny don'cha think? Live witnesses for a passing gas record. You going to give them people gas masks? Yessirreebob... They'd need 'em don'cha think? I mean, how else are they going to survive? Perhaps they'd give me an ass mask? This here is a blast zone we are talking about people. Do ya at least have your hard hat on? Don't worry, I ain't gonna try none of that fart lighten' shit you see young kids doin' in them dumb videos on the internet. I'm talking good clean wholesome gas here. Nothing but pure octane. Stand clear, we're ready for the countdown. Any minute now. You best git yerself ta the safe zone. Just click on any link on the right... bye now.

11 Comments:

At 9:35 PM, Blogger Grace said...

Well... that was quite the post! lol, it's my first time here, and let's just say, that I'm thrilled to be one of the "witnesses". Have a great New Year.

 
At 11:27 PM, Blogger JD's Rose said...

Ummm... yeah... that was interesting MM.

I think that is all I have to say about that one.

 
At 2:25 AM, Blogger introspectre said...

Bean-o works wonders for that sort of thing, you know, unless it's just how you get your kicks, in which case, all the power to you brother stinky man.

Tonight, I shall dub thee Captain AssBlast. So shall it be.

 
At 4:29 PM, Blogger dirty girl said...

thought i'd check out your blog, as you did mine.... very interesting, some great posts...... i shall be back!
Dirty X

 
At 5:20 PM, Blogger Laurie (aka buggy) said...

disgusting. :(

 
At 5:32 PM, Blogger Laurie (aka buggy) said...

Dude! See my comment to yours on my blog.

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger Jada said...

I'm just pointing out for the record: I rendered you speechless.

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger buddha_girl said...

Honest to God, I'm sending this link to Lorna and some others who know her. They'll likely love you forever. *snicker* I'm considering inventing gas masks...or ass masks to sell along with refried beans...those packaged dinner things with Mexican foods...salsa. Hell, I could make a mint!

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger Lindsey said...

LOL. My boss is like that...we won't allow her to eat chili for this very reason. It happens every single time.

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger Buffalo said...

I'm worried about what you were typing with and just where your third eye is located. Do you happen to have a shitty outlook on life?

 
At 3:53 PM, Blogger Maggi-nifica said...

MM,
I don't think I could look at you ever again.
This is a narrative that brings up images I don't need to have
ever


M

 

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