October 26, 2005

Blinded by the light

All hail the chemical gurus at Crest. They have managed to whiten and brighten my smile in a mere 9 days. (Well, 10 if you read the box, but who's counting actual days?) Not me. But the fangs are all nice and pearly. Instead of being rabid dog and yellowed like I chewed tabacky or something I shouldn't really have had my mouth on. The truth is that I've suffered from a less than star quality smile for some time. I fear that it has caused me problems in the dating game. Hence, my willingness to fork over 35 bucks for a 10 day treatment of the miracle elixer that is Whitening Strips.

For a mere $3.50 a day, you too can look more attractive to that hottie on the other side of blogland. (I mean bar... ooops.) Whether you think you need this product or not, odds are you do. I mean really. How freakin' white are your teeth? Unless you are sucking on a bag of Arm & Hammer baking soda, my bet is that you could do with some fang freshening. Come on, think about it. What is the first thing you see when someone speaks? You see their teeth. Your teeth. Has twilight fallen on your own little choppers? Is sunset imminent?

36 white chestnuts stand on a hill, first they champ, then they stamp, then they stand still. Tolkien's riddle doesn't say yellow chestnuts. He implies horses, but of course he is referring to teeth - white ones. The mighty instruments that rend and tear the flesh we so love to eat. The implements gnaw on the fruits and veggies that keep us from getting rickets. Be kind to your teeth, I'm betting it comes back three fold. White and dazzling is a smile that will wilt the opposite sex and have them on their knees begging for a piece of the pie.

10 Comments:

At 1:24 AM, Blogger 30Something said...

hmm... I would like to see a picture of the shirt and the teeth... humm...

 
At 11:29 AM, Blogger Audrey said...

Those things really work huh? I'm so skeptical of anything like that. May just have to give the "whitestrips" a try based on your reccomendation.

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger Maggi-nifica said...

a smile says so much..
Hi, i'm friendly.
hey, you're hot!
Man, if you only knew what i just did!
Oh God please don't come talk to me.
Oh God PLEASE come talk to me!!!!
Can anyone else see the WATER (not wee wee) stain on the front of my slacks?
Can anyone else see what going on in the front of my slacks??!?!?
You did a great job
Heeeeeey, you wanna give me a great job??

So much to convey in a smile

M

 
At 1:11 PM, Blogger Annalis said...

I also have used the Crest strips with much success. They were a little uncomfortable to wear and brought back memories of my retainer days, but it was worth it.

Nice blog by the way.

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Alice said...

they do really work, eh? i always assumed it was just good marketing...

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger Buffalo said...

If you're like me, and don't smile or laugh, you'll save money

 
At 9:13 AM, Blogger Some Random Girl said...

I am a total teeth person. If a person has nice teeth I can't help but stare and then I have to compliment them on how nice their teeth are!

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger Chrissie said...

lol yaay white teeth! I'm a smile person... eyes should crinkle just a bit and they should have niiice white teeth... dimples are always a bonus but the other 2 are mandatory! ;)

 
At 10:05 AM, Blogger introspectre said...

I like pie...

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger Sexy Suburbanite said...

Congrats. I tried the Crest strips and didn't notice any difference. But, then again, I have very white teeth normally, so I don't know why I wasted the money anyway.

 

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