Blinded by the light

All hail the chemical gurus at Crest. They have managed to whiten and brighten my smile in a mere 9 days. (Well, 10 if you read the box, but who's counting actual days?) Not me. But the fangs are all nice and pearly. Instead of being rabid dog and yellowed like I chewed tabacky or something I shouldn't really have had my mouth on. The truth is that I've suffered from a less than star quality smile for some time. I fear that it has caused me problems in the dating game. Hence, my willingness to fork over 35 bucks for a 10 day treatment of the miracle elixer that is Whitening Strips.

For a mere $3.50 a day, you too can look more attractive to that hottie on the other side of blogland. (I mean bar... ooops.) Whether you think you need this product or not, odds are you do. I mean really. How freakin' white are your teeth? Unless you are sucking on a bag of Arm & Hammer baking soda, my bet is that you could do with some fang freshening. Come on, think about it. What is the first thing you see when someone speaks? You see their teeth. Your teeth. Has twilight fallen on your own little choppers? Is sunset imminent?

36 white chestnuts stand on a hill, first they champ, then they stamp, then they stand still. Tolkien's riddle doesn't say yellow chestnuts. He implies horses, but of course he is referring to teeth - white ones. The mighty instruments that rend and tear the flesh we so love to eat. The implements gnaw on the fruits and veggies that keep us from getting rickets. Be kind to your teeth, I'm betting it comes back three fold. White and dazzling is a smile that will wilt the opposite sex and have them on their knees begging for a piece of the pie.