October 25, 2005

Most embarrassing moment

OK - two years ago for Halloween, a friend of mine did all the work for my costume. Kind of like having a personal assistant. She did the make-up and provided the wig. Make-up? Wig? That can only mean one thing. Drag. Yes, I went as a drag queen. But not being one to half-ass anything, I shaved not only my goatee off, but half my chest hair as well to get the look right, high heels, hose... The dress was an evening gown with jacket in bright crimson sparkle glitter. Well, that's how it started out. When we finished with it, it was a formal miniskirt with jacket.

Now, sitting in my kitchen with a woman applying make-up and trying not to laugh while she does it is embarrassing, but not the crux of the story. Make-up finished. Dress on. High heels upon my feet (OK - how women can walk in those things is so beyond me.) We went to a party with a bunch of people I had been riding bikes with for a couple of years. People that knew me pretty well. My friend dropped me off and went to park. She missed the grand entrance... Shame.

I entered the house and made my way past dozens of people I know all without a word. In the kitchen at the back of the house I proceeded to pour a drink. The room emptied as I arrived and then suddenly filled up with people gawking at me. "No effing' way!!!!" The ruse was blown. Someone revealed my identity and no one had known. The costume was that good.

In the course of the evening, I was hit on by about half the women at the party and more than a couple of the gay and bi men that were there (including one that no-one knew was a switch hitter.) I also got a call from a woman that I had met on-line and had been trying to get a date with. Turns out she had been out partying and just arrived home, but wasn't done for the evening. Her house was only a few blocks away. When she arrived at the party, I was in for a pleasant surprise. Anyway, we ended up in the backyard kissing. Funny to leave lipstick on a woman for a change (she wasn't wearing any 'til we kissed.) The line of the night was, "Hey, there are two hot chicks out back making out."

My friend left me stranded at the party. Later she claimed she thought I had left. So, at 3 am, no ride home and facing a $60-$80 taxi ride back to the burbs, the girl invites me to crash at her place. She's dressed in regular street clothes and I'm in drag. I'm sure the taxi driver had a great tale to tell that night. lol

So, the next morning I wake up and realize I have no clothes. The girl is like 5'1ish, I'm 6'2". Yeah... like she's going to have anything for me to wear. She agrees to drive me home. Finds me a big enough T-shirt to squeeze into. Thankfully, I'd gotten all the make-up and fake eyelashes off. But I have no pants. No shorts. No underwear. She lives in a building with a human monitored lobby. Greeeeat.

Walking through the grand marble lobby with a shopping bag holding my dress, wig, shoes, clutch purse, etc. Barefoot. With a t-shirt and towel wrapped around my waist is one of the moments in my life that I'll never forget. There is no such thing as a walk of shame for me anymore. I've gone so far past it... lol


At 4:43 PM, Blogger butterfly said...

Hey, we gotta see that on the next HNT!!! LMAO

At 5:21 PM, Blogger Maggi-nifica said...

As a friend of a friend of The Friend, I can report that the Friend had not only secured wig and shoes, but also spent a day shopping for dresses.

I can further report that MM looked damn good.

And I can report that the Friend missed the entrance b/c parking was far and someone did not want to walk in heels

And I can also report the Friend had been told by everyone at the party that MM had left the building with Ms. Trannie Smoocher, thus letting the Friend to think the Friend had been left behind.

As long as you walked through that Lobby with head held high and all the orginal contents of your purse, you're all right, poodle.


At 6:57 PM, Blogger Audrey said...

oh that story had me laughing! Kudos to you for having the guts to go to party in drag - I know most men would not dream of doing so!!
wow.. I'm still giggling. The visual is just too funny! :-)

At 8:15 PM, Blogger Mad Munkey said...

Butterfly - that might require money... large sums of money.

Maggi - It truly was the art of another that allowed me to walk through the door. But blocks in heels? Hell no.

audrey - If you knew me, you'd be even more floored. Trust me.

At 8:31 PM, Blogger buddha_girl said...

*screaming with glee* Oh MY GOD! I would give my left breast to see you do that walk of shame. I know too many men who've done the drag thing and looked damn good to want to see YOU in drag. I'd much rather see that walk of shame!

*getting on my knees and praying to God*

At 8:42 PM, Blogger Neonalune said...

What do you mean you had no clothes the next morning?? ;-)

P.S. I loved your comment on my blog...can't believe you quoted that movie! Made me feel unsick for like a whole 30 seconds!

At 11:30 PM, Blogger Chrissie said...

ROTFL... Thats GREAT! ;) I totally would have loved seein that!

At 2:03 AM, Blogger 30Something said...

Just the fact that you can enjoy yourself so much is tooo awsome and attractive! I hate guys that can't laugh at themselves!

At 5:34 PM, Blogger Chelle said...

LOL What a great "embarrassing" story!!

Just looking around at different blogs.....I enjoyed yours :)

At 10:09 AM, Blogger introspectre said...

That was awesome. I laughed...so hard.

It reminded me of all the times I'd gone out all dolled up for a night on the town and crashed at someone else's house, only to discover that what I was wearing Saturday night did NOT look vaguely appropriate come the daylight hours of a Sunday morning.

Those walks to the car always made me feel like a prostitute leaving the scene of the crime or something.


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