October 17, 2005

Name that guy

My apartment complex nickname is a topic that often came to mind as I unloaded groceries or wine cases from my car and carried them inside. You know how you give neighbors little nicknames? Redneck Bob, Chain smoker lady, Yapper dog lady, In dire need of birth control family, the inevitable single "MILF" (from far away), Workout girl, Tennis club lady, Steroid head, Crazy bitch, Cholo wannabe, etc...

I'm pretty sure mine is Redneck Guy, or Tattooed guy. Once in my last apartment complex there was a fire. Complete with shrieking homeowner that started the blaze by having her power shut off and using candles to light her home while she was in the bathtub. Trust me, none of us wanted to see her wrapped in a towel in the parking lot, screaming and crying. (Yeah, not even in a towel. Ewww...) I love how people gather to gawk when there is a fire. I think it's all about the gossip opportunity. I cracked up my neighbors by bringing up the nickname thing. Asking why she (lady in a towel) had run to Postal Guy's apt (in our stairwell instead of one in her own) screaming that her's was on fire.

I learned his nickname wasn't Postal Guy, but Alcoholic Postal Guy. It was then that I realized that I wanted nothing to do with my neighbors. They spent far too much time analyzing the lives of those they lived around. But, I couldn't let the nickname thing go... I kept cracking people up by subtly pointing out people in the parking lot/courtyard and giving their 'nickname'. I'm sure it was strange for other neighbors in the wash of the firetruck lights to see us laughing. I also learned that the guy that ran the carpet/apt cleaning business (thus the moniker Mr. Clean) that had just moved to another apt. in the complex from our stairwell was a pedophile. How nice to know that my neighbors were so interested in their neighbors that they would pass on THAT information. This caused me to do a little research. Strange, he wasn't in the pedophile database, but he was on record for sexual assualt. Hmmm... reduced charges perhaps or just a little wife beating? (I'm not making light of that, it's another rumor I heard later).

Maybe my nickname was Wine Guy, or Baguette Boy (since I often eat baguette with brie), I'm pretty sure it was Tattoo Guy though. I have a lot of them. Certainly Munkey never crossed their minds, but I like it when people refer to me as Munkey, so I'll keep it for awhile. Now I'm off to go read the exploits of Buffalo who I'm sure is Harley Dude in any apt. complex, but has so much more to offer.

10 Comments:

At 2:14 AM, Blogger 30Something said...

LOL, I’m constantly giving people nick names. When my mom and I went to Vegas I had a blast, because I had a nickname for every person at the card tables with me! People watching is my favorite sport!

 
At 10:57 AM, Blogger Schuyler said...

You should totally do like Kramer did on Seinfeld and have the bulletin board of Polaroids of people. But instead of their real names, use the "Neighborhood Nicknames". Maybe have a sign up sheet so people can put multiple entries for people that deserve multiple nicknames. yeah, I don't see anyone getting upset or their feelings hurt over that. ;-)

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger introspectre said...

Ha. I've been the MILF in a lot of apartments complexes.

That and the Tweaker, if they ever bothered to talk to me.

 
At 11:09 AM, Blogger Audrey said...

Funny post. I think everyone has secret (or well known) names for their neighbors! my next door neighboor has been dubbed "crazy cricket lady" by both my rommmate and myself, due to the fact that she has come over to our place several times asking us if we have crickets in our central A/C system (this is a young gal too!).. crazy huh?!

 
At 5:10 PM, Blogger Alice said...

i'm totally going to be obsessed about what MY name is now to my neighbors...

 
At 6:32 PM, Blogger Mad Munkey said...

Alice - whatever your fantasy is, you can be that. Little cheerleader outfits, Goth girl, Dominatrix (ok, maybe that is going to far, but you get the idea.) lol

 
At 6:41 PM, Blogger buddha_girl said...

OH MY GOD! Yes! People watching...and people NAMING...two of my favorite pasttimes!

I have a parent at school this year...she's a royal bitch. On the first day of school she came roaring into the office and was screaming at the principal. Her pants were too tight and too low...her shirt..too tight and too high. Her belly? It hung out between the two items of clothing.

HER name, compliments of moi? Dunlop. (Cause her belly done lopped over her pants. Ooooooh I'm surrounded by rednecks here.) I honestly refer to her as Dunlop, and people know who I'm talking about each and every time!

 
At 9:30 PM, Blogger Frank said...

It's weird you mention apartment nicknames... I was just informed by the lovely ladies in the front office earlier today that my nickname is "Bruce Wayne." WTF is that about?

 
At 3:44 AM, Blogger Chrissie said...

lol I do this also... and like to take it a step further and make up little stories about everyone :D

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger buddha_girl said...

Oh my God. I named one of my students while on a field trip yesterday. The teacher on my bus is my buddy, James. He cringed when this girl opened her yap. He said, "Holy SHIT. How is it that I've never realized how horrible a voice she has? She sounds like a dolphin."

I named the girl Flipper...and even referred to her as such while driving back to school on the big, yellow bus. She needs to tone that shit down.

 

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