October 19, 2005

Hey Orca...

This topic has been in my mind for years. I just never thought to write it down before. So, you have a friend, family member or co-worker who has been packing on the stray pounds (OK - they weren't stray, they were chocolate cake, soda pop, french fries and nachos before they were part of your friend.) Did you say, "Hey, are you gaining weight?"

Now, this might seem rude, but lemme ask you this. When your friend, family member or co-worker (random person - RP) loses weight, aren't you the first to 'support' them by asking, "Hey, are you losing weight?" Which one is more constructive. The attempt to make your RP feel better about the loss of a couple of pounds is really a failure on your part. When they really needed you, you were handing them the plate of lasagna or the high carb beer. A true friend friend would say, look, I know this is hard, but RP, my man (girl), you need to Just Say No!

Are we trying to boost someone's spirits by reminding them... Hey, you are fat. Which is what you are really saying when you say, "Hey, you are looking thinner today." Instead, compliment your RP (random person - remember) when they are still barely hanging over their jeans. Hey, you are starting to lose that great figure... Break the taboo. Talk to your RP about their health, how much they mean to you, your concern for them. Or take them for a walk, or a bike ride, or a game of racquetball... whatever it takes. You can do it. Make a positive difference before there is a problem. The words are simple. "Are you gaining weight?"

14 Comments:

At 6:42 AM, Blogger kimmyk said...

As a woman if someone said to me "hey are you gaining weight?" I'd be totally pissed off. I think as a guy you can say that cause they'll just say "fuck you" and laugh it off, where as a woman? that would totally crush her. If I'm gaining weight I'll know when I step on the scale, I don't want to hear it from a friend or RP. Sure I'd extend an offer of going walking etc on my lunch hour or whatever.....but it's not for me to tell another friend or co-worker or RP they're gettin too big for their britches.

 
At 8:56 AM, Blogger 30Something said...

LMAO... I am with kimmyk... I see what your saying and I agree with the truth in it.. BUT, I love life and I'm not trying to hurry to the end of it by pissing off someone about there weight!

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Chrissie said...

LOL.. nice.. i'm prolly one of the few woman you could say that too and get away alive :) I'm one of those whos always had trouble keeping weight on lol Eat Eat n Eat some more lol...

"Are you gaining weight Chrissie!?"
"Do you think so??" *beaming* "Thanks!!"

 
At 11:25 AM, Blogger Audrey said...

see this is a tough one. While I agree with your post, I know that in Reality if you ever tried to tell a women she was fat or gaining weight.. ahem - it won't be a pretty picture. I think every person KNOWS when they are packing on a few extra pounds.. and sometimes you just don't want to hear about it from someone else. I can't vouch for guys.. but I don't think they are as weight obsessed. Still.. I'd rather have a friend be straight up with me and let me know when to lay off on the nachos! :-)

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger Mad Munkey said...

I had no idea this would be so controversial. I just find it interesting that everyone will tell people that they look fine. Then when that person loses weight everyone is quick to give them 'positive reinforcement' in the form of, "you look great, have you lost weight?" Just seems strange to me that people are afraid to tell one another that yes, indeed, you are getting fat. PC isn't always right.

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger 30Something said...

We are our hardest critics. When someone else reinforces our most personal failures (which gaining weight is one of the biggies) its usually not met with the greatest of emotions.
BUT... I TOTALLY agree with you.. it is weird how human nature is to ignore the bad, and inforce the good.
I'm not near as good as you at writing what I'm trying to say.. so I hope you get it! lol

 
At 2:25 PM, Blogger drunkbh said...

You can tell a close friend something like this if it is done carefully. Women do not like to be told that they are fat. Then generally tend to know all of their flaws including an enlarging ass.

You are a brave soul.

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger buddha_girl said...

Hmm...it's a thin line, Munkey, darling. I'd think carefully about just coming out and informing someone that they're getting or have gotten fat. 99% of the free world knows whether or not they are heavy hitters. Trust me on this.

I have to go with the last couple of lines you composed:
Showing someone you care about their health and well-being by choosing to take part in ACTIVE activities together will do a great deal more to hit your point home AS WELL AS help the person walk down the Road to Health.

I've made mention of my own weight loss in my blog. Trust me when I say I always knew I was a heavy chick BEFORE I lost the weight. You can't fool a fat girl.

On another note, I completely agree with you whole "people taking notice of LOST weight." I'll also admit that it feels like fucking heaven when people notice the weight I've lost. It takes a whole lot more of fucking work to take it off than it does to pack it on!

 
At 10:54 PM, Blogger Sexy Suburbanite said...

Oh my goodness -- I HATE it when people ask me if I've lost weight. It always makes me think about what I wore the day before and how I should burn it since it obviously was causing me to look fat. Twisted, I know, but weight is a sensitive subject. Still, I think that if you notice that someone close to you is gaining weight you should do subtle things like always suggest eating at healthy places or asking them to be your gym buddy or, in the case of a crisis, tell them that you are going on a diet it would be great if they would go on the diet with you and help with moral support (blah blah blah). I think that sort of thing is a better way to helpful instead of helpful/hurtful (and avoids you getting your ass kicked by some angry RPs).

 
At 3:38 AM, Blogger McSwain said...

A lot of women are emotional eaters--we feel bad about ourselves, we eat. If someone asked me if I was gaining weight, I'd feel so bad about myself that I'd go eat a cookie. Then another one. Then a piece of pie... and so on.

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger Her Daddy's Eyes said...

This would make quite a nice public service announcement! LMAO! I agree and do wonder why it's so much easier to say "Hey you're looking good these days!" That's it...I'm marching myself right down the hall and I'm gonna tell my coworker she needs to come take a run with me...let's see what happens!

~Eyes

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Her Daddy's Eyes said...

Hehehe...she wasn't amused.

~Eyes

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger Mad Munkey said...

At the huge risk of digging this hole deeper... Many of you seem to miss the part about starting to gain. I'm not advocating walking up to someone who is fat and has been fat for some time (or obese) and saying this. I'm talking about in the very beginning when you first notice it. Anyway... it's an interesting idea that doesn't hold w

 
At 8:00 PM, Blogger Neonalune said...

A person knows whether or not they are gaining weight. If they haven't said anything to you about it, that means they don't want to talk about it. When they want to talk about it, I think that is the time to talk honestly about it and make some helpful suggestions. I would never bring it up unless they made a comment about it. I really think bringing it up first would get them more hurt..driving them to continue that pattern of behavior that got them overweight. I guess I would have a lot to say on this since that has been my life...being told for the last 3 years how great I look since I lost 50 pounds. Yet spending most of my life before that being reminded by everyone (even my fat relatives) that I need to lose weight. When I notice someone has lost weight I do tell them that they look great...but I try to avoid the "lost weight?" question. I try to tell people now all the time how great they look no matter what size they are because frankly I think most people look great if they make an effort to. If they don't feel great and are bothered by their weight and say something to me, I'd then have a discussion with them about what I've done to lose weight and keep it off, but not before they brought it up.

I would say I know exactly how to approach a person in the position you are describing.

Um...guess I have a lot to say about this one ;-)

 

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