wha?

Ever have one of those 'let's take stock of my life' moments? You can be sitting on your couch reading a magazine or forking fluffy scrambled eggs into your mouth or even sitting on the shitter staring at the blank wall in front of you. Suddenly, you wonder, 'why am I here?', or perhaps, 'how did I get here?'. Snapshots blow through your mind like the latest hipster video on MTV. Black & whites, color stills and soundless video rush though your mind. Magazine or eggs forgotten, you go even further back in time.

Is this what I wanted? Did I ever think I'd get this far? Do I live the enchanted life some believe? Eyes dart around to the 'things' that populate your world. The monster 1080p LCD TV on the wall stares back like a an dark chasm just waiting for the bats to issue forth. Perched precariously between two huge speakers that weigh as much as a small child. Daring you to come closer. Come on, flip my channels it winks seductively, hiding it's true zombiefication potential behind an impassive face.

Rushing to and fro at your 9-5 job attempting vainly to give it meaning. That you really do make a difference spending 2080+ hours a years stalking the hallowed halls of 'the office' (say that with reverence damn you). Trying to look important, or perhaps trying to feel important, as you stuff your laptop bag with files and papers you can't live without for the next 14 hours before you return to your desk amidst all the other cubes. The almighty digital book going in last. But not before you check e-mail one last time before your crackberry becomes the most important thing in your life.

Pausing in your genuflection to hear the silence around you. The steady hum of the HVAC and the high pitch sound of the crickets only lightly muffled through the dirty glass windows. Maybe if I just knock down this wall here and here I'll have what I'm looking for. It's just for looks right? Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Just for looks. But who's looking?