December 09, 2005

Cold hard machine

Once when I was in college, I was working on a team project and discovered what some of my peers thought of me. The actual situation isn't important compared to the memory of what was said.

After pointing out a hole in a set of logic, one girl, exasperated, turned to me and said, "Do you ever make mistakes? You are like a machine."

I paused to consider her statement. Then responded, "Yes, I make mistakes all the time. But I try to fix them before they become problems. You just never see them."

I think about that conversation 14 years later more than I should. I was known as wildly creative, yet machine like. I have a problem connecting these two vastly different concepts in my mind. I wonder if I'm still seen that way. Am I a machine? So rigid in my search for perfection that I find disappointment or create expectations in others minds that they cannot hope to meet? I hope not, but I wonder...

8 Comments:

At 10:25 AM, Blogger Jozee said...

I don't think a machine could be so introspective.
14 years is a long time - sounds as if you've matured a lot in all those years.

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger ME said...

I wouldn't dwell on something someone said 14 years ago. I think what she said was more of a compliment. She knew everyone makes mistakes she just wanted you to admit to it.

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger Binsk said...

Interesting.

I find I can be very attention to detail and also creative...I never thought the two were connected, I always thought artists were free flowing and carefree...but I have since learned that a lot of them are pretty particular.

 
At 1:03 PM, Blogger Still Searching... said...

A creative machine...there are worse things to be. I can see that you ARE very creative, by reading your blog. As for the machine part...well, I don't really know you, but does it really matter? If you're happy with you, then what difference does it make? So then, I guess the real question would be...are you truly happy with who you are? If so, who cares what labels people attach to you. They are after all, only opinions, of which everybody has one. :-)

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger Jozee said...

A famous French philosopher died a couple of year's back can't recall his name.
His work was based on the idea that the written word has more than one meaning - a landmark concept and so much more meaningful now in this age of quick communication via computer and the written.
When I look back at my comments at times I see the flaws and the possible unintended meanings - so frustrating.

Hope MM knows that I thought his response at the time was mature and that from what I've read about you, you continue to strive to grow. To mature is a work in progress and not one everyone strives to attain.

I think you have depth and are not at all machine-like. Jz

 
At 5:35 PM, Blogger Annalis said...

"So rigid in my search for perfection that I find disappointment or create expectations in others minds that they cannot hope to meet? I hope not, but I wonder..."

Interesting statement and one only you can answer.

Thought provoking post MM.

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger Lil Bit said...

Interesting post...
Doesn't sound like you're a machine so much as a perfectionist... and there's not a damn thing wrong w/that. Happens to the best of us! LOL

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger snarf said...

"So rigid in my search for perfection that I find disappointment or create expectations in others minds that they cannot hope to meet? I hope not, but I wonder..."

i have been told twice in my performance reviews that "i can't hold other people up to the same standards i hold myself to. it's an unrealistic goal, and they will only fail."

my question. why is it so wrong to expect the same effort out of others that you would give yourself?

… with your permission MM, i'm going to post this entry on my blog as i feel identical.

 

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