August 19, 2005

The good stuff

I want to get a job at Krispy Kreme. Yeah, I'm going to find out what kind of high grade crack it is that they put in their donuts. Then, I'm going to take that information and publish it in Rolling Stone - 'All the news that fits'. See, I know there are a few million Krispy Kreme addicts running around just waiting for that Neon sign that says HOT DONUTS. To light up the night sky. I can just see the oversized sign lighting up and 10 million fat people going for it.

Bob: I'll take a dozen
Fred: Cool, we can split
Bob: The fuck we will
Fred: What?
Bob: Get 'yer own damn box. This dozen is mine.
Fred: You are kidding right?
Bob: Hell no.
Fred: A dozen... you are going to eat a dozen donuts yourself?
Bob: Damn skippy, it's Krispy Kreme
Fred: (to counter girl) Uh, I'll have 3... awww screw it, I'll have a dozen.






And the really jacked up thing is you can actually eat of dozen of the SOBs. Yeah, your body gonna make you pay later, but you are the Snarf King. (Distantly related to Kroll the Warrior King if you get my drift). So two hours later, the box is empty, you feel like ass about your already poor self image, but you know you'd do it all over again. High grade crack, I'm telling you. Screw the pipe and lighting up up... just inhale through glazed donuts. A moment on the lips... a lifetime on the hips.

Now I'm really cracking up. Krispy Kreme has a link on their site - Nutritional Info. Bwahahaha Riiiiight. Do I really care? Nope... 'scuse me, I have some Mini Crullers calling my name...

All images in this post copyright or trademark of Krispy Kreme Inc.

12 Comments:

At 2:24 AM, Blogger drunkbh said...

A moment on the lips... a lifetime on the hips.

I'll keep my comments to myself on that one.

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Maggi-nifica said...

I have fond hazy memories of sitting on my balcony with 5 or 6 of my college friends (my sr. year) and waiting...
we knew if we left my house at 1:48 AM we would arrived just at 2 AM to watch the electric orange red invitation that would comfort us after an evening of debauchery (sp?) That warm glow... a welcome light guiding us to hot tasty treats within. The words... just linger in your brain... burned on to your retina's ... hot donuts now
NOW! - not in 15 mins but NOW
Total satisfaction and complete gratification.

And when they're hot, you can lick the icing off, or shmear it on your significant other "of the moment" and lick it off them

The possiblities of joy are endless

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger Neonalune said...

That's just wrong to put that post up. Wrong I tell you! We have a friend who's a cop and they give them boxes and boxes of their doughnuts for free. One time he brought us 4 boxes when we were moving. O. M. G. I think they are worse than crack.

Oh, and yes I actually looked at the nutritional site when I was counting carbs. You know you can have one doughnut a day and your good. Just one.

 
At 3:39 PM, Blogger Charlotte said...

hm. they are like crack. i'm tripping out and needing a fix - and stuck at work.

you write tastey posts, i can't remember if i try to stay away because you talk about food - or if because your monkey picture scares me.

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger Kikhwa said...

I remember when I was a bitch to the Krispy Kreme donut. In college, I'd have 3 everyday. Those damn things are so light, you don't feel like you're eating a whole donut so you say what the hey, let's have another.

Forget the infamous Freshman 15...it was more like Freshman-Sophemore-Junior-Senior 150.

 
At 2:15 AM, Blogger ***Double_Oh_No*** said...

Once I almost got arrested for hurling Krispy Kremes at some guys. There's nothing like the sound of dough slapping flesh. It really wasn't that bad until when we got pulled over my friend offered the rest of the box to the cop.

I think you should follow through with your desire to work at KK. My friend and I used to stalk the HOT Krispy Kreme delivery man when he made his 11pm drops at the local Shell station. We had his schedule down that summer.

The doughnuts taste all right, too.

 
At 3:01 AM, Blogger sdk said...

LMAO...you have no idea how close our kitten came to being named Kroll the Warrior King...LMAO That's one of my favorite movies EVER.

I never became an addict of Krispy Creme. There's a small town bakery called Louie's in my hometown. When I lived up north and got married, I actually drove 300 miles to get my cake from there. LOL

SDK

 
At 5:30 PM, Blogger The Dummy said...

That about communicates the state of my addiction. :)

 
At 1:05 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

I've had sex with a Krispy Kreme donut once. Of course, it was CREAM FILLED!

 
At 1:53 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Did I mention the chocolate custard one?

 
At 3:40 AM, Blogger k said...

Given the fact that the closest KK to me is almost four hours away, I am safe from addiction unless I head to "A CITY". On the way to family in MT, there's one conveniently located near the offramp in Spokane. Gotta love that drive through and the double dozen to go. (Hey, it's a LONG drive to family from Spokane!) It's an unspoken agreement in our family - you don't visit unless you bring donuts from KK. Even my little niece asks out of habit and she's not even three yet. A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips, if it's not gonna make you jiggle then how can it be bad for you?!

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger introspectre said...

I was a Dunkin Donuts girl myself, having grown up with the ever so charming "Time to make the donuts" commercials.

Donuts. They remind of the Weird Al song, "Albuquerque".

"All I've got right now is this box of one dozen starving crazed weasels..."
"Ok, I'll take that."

Yah. That's the good stuff.

 

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