August 13, 2005

Smooth move


Wipe 'yer mouth for Crissakes. You are attracting flies.

You ever stick your foot in your mouth so deep you wonder if it came out your ass? One minute you are clipping along nicely in a conversation, the next you are wondering what kind of surgery it will take to get your foot back in your ass and back out the vocal orifice. It's too late to take it back, you just forgot to engage your brain in time to stop whatever it is you said from coming out. Not intended to be a bad thing, but there it is laying in front of you like a plumbers crack. You don't want to look, but you keep glancing furtively to see if his pants magically rose to cover the offending Grand Canyon. Nope. Damn. Now what do you do... you can't get a sheet and cover it. The words won't die. they sit and wriggle... like a chicken with it's head cut off runs around. Doesn't know it's dead yet. No way to catch it. You wish you hadn't let go of it in the first place, but you didn't know the chicken didn't know it was dead... You look around, embarrassed, but impotent. Nothing to do but cringe and wait. You can apologize, but you never know if you are trying to hard. You mentally bang your head on a wall. Sometimes you even do it for real. Stupid, stupid, stupid. In three days, the whole thing will be gone, but for right now, it's the center of the universe. As a friend of mine likes to say, "there is an elephant in the room, you need to slay it." I don't have a gun in that caliber, but I'd be happy to shoot my own foot if it would make things better. When I was younger and tad less thoughtful (right) we had this saying, "Smooth move ExLax". Here's to TP and lot's of it.

6 Comments:

At 9:36 AM, Blogger Neonalune said...

I almost thought the title of this post was "Smooth Move Exlax", then I realized I'd misread it. Hmmmm, Maybe not! Love how you described this. Made me feel almost as if it was me that needed to "Open mouth, insert foot".

 
At 10:50 AM, Blogger Kerry Grace said...

Practice, practice, practice. I am in a profession that talks and talks and talks, so foot in mouth is a daily happening - you get used to it - like living next to an airport - so that you hardly notice it anymore and think things such as "it's good strategy to just keep talking so who cares what it is I am saying"! Reading transcripts can still make me cringe, something about seeing inappropraiteness in black and white.

 
At 9:36 PM, Blogger midwest_hick said...

I'm a pro when it comes to inserting foot....or feet....into the mouth....and I don't know your e mail for the music request you asked....but if ya scroll to the bottom of my blog you can click on the hotcodez link to get it.

 
At 8:28 PM, Blogger BipolarPrincess said...

I thought I was the only one...

 
At 9:42 PM, Blogger Yaz said...

;-) Awesome blog.

Thanks for the term "fuckstick"...I added it on to the list!

 
At 1:13 AM, Blogger Greg said...

so what was her name this time :) and for the record i have had to remove my leg many times, cheers my friend

 

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